wh3elcha!r'$ m!nd

Preparation:

            First you fry garlic in vegetable oil and add atsuete, then set it aside. Palabok is one of my favorite Filipino food. There was this one time during the summer of ’98 when my cousin dared me to eat a big bowl of Palabok. I was skeptic of whether to do it or not. He showed me an empty bowl that was once full of Palabok. I was only five then, but since he finished it, I could do it too. That was a stupid idea. I thought I was big enough. You know how it is, you always want to copy what the other person did. You think you’re a big boy and can handle it. So I told him I’ll do it.

            Next, you boil the pork strips until they become tender. It took my cousin an hour to prepare and cook it. I went around the block and told the neighborhood kids that I would eat a big bowl of Palabok. Everybody came to see me attempt to eat this Palabok monster. It was 1:55 P.M., my cousin told me I had one hour to eat everything in the bowl. The tiny bits of chopped green onions spread all over like trees in the woods seen from the sky. Sliced hard-boiled eggs on top that looks like spinning teacups in Disneyland. Then you sauté the garlic onions, celery, pork, shrimps, and squid. I began to eat. I was fine at first. Halfway over with twenty minutes left, I was full of food like a bank is full of money. After that, you add one cup of water with Palabok mix and ground pepper.

            I wanted to end it and quit, but I pursued to finish the bowl. I didn’t want to be embarrassed. Fifth, boil the Palabok noodles then add sautéed mixture, chicharon and tinapa. I began to sweat out the calamansi juice and swiveled a drop on my tongue to taste the sourness of it. You can season it with calamansi or patis. I heard them giggled and whispered that I won’t be able to finish it. With one bite left, I used all my might, I opened my mouth and swallowed the last spoon full of Palabok. Finally, garnish with sliced eggs and green onions.

            I slammed my fork and I stood up with my hands raised high in the air. I felt like Pacquiao when he defeated Cotto.  The Palabok had the first round, but I killed it after eleven rounds later. I beat my chest like King Kong on top of the Empire State Building. My stomach had a replay of the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. My body backed up like a toilet. Then all of a sudden, a waterfall of Palabok came out of my mouth and into the bowl I ate it from. The bowl looked like the Philippines after the tropical storms hit the country with sewage all over the street floated from the flood and cars underwater ten feet deep. Caskets and carcasses swam down the water like food swimming inside the intestines and exited the other end. I will use this recipe and keep the tradition alive by passing it down to the next generation. So, do you want

Once upon a time there lived a man named Christian

He had everything planned to go to San Fran

Then he received a letter saying

“Dear Mr. Christian, you are now accepted

To the school of the gifted.

It is located at London, England.

Please reply back of your decision.

You have one week to send your application.

Thank you again, Mr. Christian”

It took two days to make his decision

He took the application

And send it to London, England

Five days later, he was on his way

To the waters of the London bay

Once he arrived, his butt he couldn’t feel

First thing he wanted to see was the Millennium Wheel

On his way to school he was jacked up robbed right before his eyes

Upset and mad he just wanted to cry.

Every thing is gone, what can he do

He feels like jumping into the ocean blue.

On his way to the bridge he saw a flyer

Free food free shelter suddenly it was all better

What he didn’t know which was on the back

You have to go to war, which was wack

Ten years later he was still going strong

Until one day when something went wrong

He was shot on the back and then fell down

Now he is paralyzed from the waist down

In the middle of a cross- country race

All across the United States

He is being watched by his god Speed Racer

He is doing this for his wife

He needs the 100 million dollars to save her life

It is the midway point of the race

He is spending over night at his friend’s place

Spending all night in the garage

Looking at his messed up chair

Speed Racer did a little magic and poof a box of the best parts for Christian’s chair.

At the break of dawn the race continued

Now he has the gadgets to win this race

All he has to do is to watch out from being barbecued

Jumping over the Grand Canyon

He finished the race to become the first cross-country champion

First flight back to the Philippines

He saved her life and now they’re living the dream

They both flew back to America

They have a baby girl named Angelica

I wish this story would begin again

But like all other stories it has to end

It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad

Happy or sad

Don’t be mad

Be glad!

Thank you for listening

This is it

It’s over

The End

Setting: P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

Characters: Little Red, Kangaroo, and Grandma Dorothy, Marlin, Doctor, Old Lady who lived in a shoe, and Narrator.

Scene One: Shoe in Some Sack

Narrator: The land where kangaroos hop, where people say “G’day Mate,” lived an innocent little girl named, Little Red.

Old Lady: Oh Red, can you come here?

Little Red: Sure, what is it?

Old Lady: I received a telegram from your Grandma Dorothy saying, she needs her daily hangover sack.

Little Red: (whine) Not again.

Old Lady: Yup, ever since she got knocked out by the kangaroo, she’s been depressed.

Little Red: Why?

Old Lady: Well you know how she and her boyfriend Marlin kept on trying and trying and trying to conceive a baby…

Little Red: Ew. T.M.I.

Old Lady: The doctor had to take both ovaries out because they were badly damaged. Here take this.

Little Red: What’s in it?

Old Lady: Pepto-Bismol for the upset stomach, one carton of cigarette, some of her fly high pills, and a shoe.

Little Red: What’s the shoe for?

Old Lady: Every time she gets wasted, she throws a shoe out the window when she wakes up.

Little Red: Where do I take it?

Old Lady: P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney and whatever you do, never I mean NEVER talk to anyone.

Little Red: Why?

Old Lady: So you won’t get kidnapped and raped.

Little Red: Ugh, Okay.

Scene 2: The Quickie

(Little Red and kangaroo bump into each other and scream at the same time.)

Kangaroo: Watch where you’re going!

Little Red: Who the hell are you!

Kangaroo: You don’t remember? It’s me, Marlin. Your grandma’s boyfriend. Its been years since we last say each other. That’s why you don’t recognize me.

Little Red: Hmm… nope, that’s not it. Last time I saw you was just last week, And aren’t you suppose to be with grandma right now?

Kangaroo: Well…uh…um…(kangaroo kicks Red out)

Scene Three: Where’s the Sack

Narrator: After being unconscious, Little Red rises from the knockout three days later.

Little Red: Wh-what happened? M-Marlin is that you?

Marlin: Its me, are you feeling okay?

Little Red: I have a headache but I’ll be fine. What happened?

Marlin: I discovered you in the middle of the street. Halfway from my place with nothing but your Birthday Suit.

Little Red: Where’s Grandma Dorothy?

Marlin: She’s on the couch sleeping.

Doctor: Knock-knock, how’s our little survivor?

Little Red: I’m okay.

(Marlin pats Dorothy on the shoulder while wiping the drool of her face.)

Marlin: Hey Doc, is she going to be alright?

Doctor: CT scan looks fine, no head trauma. But I did do one other test…

Marlin: What is it, what’s the other test?

Doctor: It was a pregnancy test.

Grandma Dorothy: (act drunk) What the fluck is it, is she pregnant or what?

Doctor: Congratulations, you’re having octoplets!

Marlin: How could this happen?

Little Red: I don’t know, I never had sex. I’m still a virgin….I think?

Grandma Dorothy: (act drunk) Well you thought wrong. Now you’re knocked up and I’m not taking care of those annoying kids.

Little Red: You have to. You’re the great-grandmother.

Grandma Dorothy: Hell no! That’s why I told your mother to have only one kid or she’ll be the first to see “The Legend of the Drunken Mother Hidden Whiskey.” And where the hell is my damn sack! (passes out  and falls on the ground.)

Narrator: And so, Little Red is live in her three acre land with plenty of running space and plenty of money from her television show, “Octomom: Eight kangaroos/no humans.” The father hopped across the country and nobody ever saw him since. Later, Dorothy realizes Marlin committed suicide because of her drinking enigma, and she never got her sack back.

My father’s influence lives even though he doesn’t. My first recognition of influence began when he held me in his hands as a newborn. The endorphin rush filled my infant body which gave me a high feeling of love. The feeling never left my heart. It was as if he was still alive. From my first day to his last, he was the editor that trimmed the excess footage of my personality.

             My dad taught me to overtake people who are in the way of my destination, either in life or on the road.  He went from managing one of the biggest banks in the Philippines to helping me with my times tables, answering one hundred problems in less than three minutes.  He’d spend until one in the morning helping me with homework and still had the energy to make breakfast and drop my brother and me to school. 

            The moment I found out that my dad had lost after a strong bout against Lung Cancer was the nightmare which I didn’t want to happen. After days of drying up my tears was when I realized that the fourteen years he spent with me could live through ink. I began reminiscing as far back as my hippocampus could go; I remember the fire-crackling New Year’s Eve in his childhood home  and the endless summer road trips to my parent’s province.

            When I began writing without my dad’s guidance gave me the courage to share my stories about him. I want to tell the whole world how much I love him and how much of an impact he made. I wrote page after page of my childhood with him and his final days. I wrote about the fun times we had and also the dark gloomy situations that only I would know. The only reason I continued to write is because of my dad. He is my role model, my inspiration, and my strength to keep living.